I have ran long enough to understand that it's the journey and process that defines us. Being entity/outcome-oriented shifts the locus of control from our internal to the external, whereby we surrender ourselves to what is beyond our control. We live and do out of duty and obligation, substituting business for meaning, crippling the ability to live a fulfilled life, because we are convinced that an imagined, ideal future is better than the present moment. We live not knowing how to play the cards we are dealt, waiting or better yet, paying to have the "perfect hand" but find ourselves continuously trading up for it, always feeling that it is just within reach yet we never obtain it. We end up paying for a life, not learning how to make one. Why then, attempt to qualify for the 2017 NYC Half Marathon?
Qualifying for the Boston Marathon had been a milestone that took over 4 years to accomplish. When I qualified, I had felt a tremendous mental barrier lift off of me. I realized I could do so much more than what I thought, and I aimed to find out. Just 8 months after qualifying for Boston I qualified for the Elite NYC Full Marathon. Great. Now what? I took a step back and reflected. The question why kept echoing in my head. For a while I didn't have an answer. I kept running with that question in the forefront of my mind. Eventually I came to the realization that the goals I set in running are external markers I aim for, but they are not the essence of my running. I run because I love it. In an age where so much of life is bombarded with all sorts of modifiers and status-enhancing products, I want to know who I am and what I am truly capable of. I want to know what I am made of.
Running brings me to my edge, a place where I come face to face with my fears. In each stride I live spartan-like, putting to rout all that is not life. I come to the end of each run knowing I fully lived, giving my heart and my all. I don't run to fit into a pair of pants. I don't run because my doctor said so. I run for my life. You had better believe it.